Talk:National Council of La Raza: Difference between revisions
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imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | |||
Hi Jake, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further revisions to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages. | |||
* The intro is solid overall, though a bit disjointed; you might see what you can do to make the sentences flow more smoothly. Alternatively, you might just split it into two paragraphs: One with the general overview of where the NCLR came from, and one with the overview of its priorities and structure. | |||
* I really like how you situate the NCLR's founding in the context of the [[civil rights movement]], though you might explain some developments a bit more clearly. For example, why didn't the Ford Foundation like the UCLA research findings? How did the second study group differ from the first? | |||
* You might develop the "History" section further by adding additional subsections chronicling the organization's development since the 1970s. | |||
* Both the "organizational structure" and (especially) "achievements" sections would benefit from more elaboration. | |||
* The "Public perception and controversies" looks like it's off to a good start but trails off abruptly (and apparently inadvertently). | |||
* Throughout the entry, you might put double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]]) around key terms to create links to related Citizendium entries (whether they already exist or not); e.g. [[Ford Foundation]], [[Herman Gallegos]], [[United Auto Workers]] | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 22:04, 7 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | |||
Revision as of 17:04, 7 October 2009
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| Metadata here |
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Jake,
Here are some suggestions for further revisions to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- The intro is solid overall, though a bit disjointed; you might see what you can do to make the sentences flow more smoothly. Alternatively, you might just split it into two paragraphs: One with the general overview of where the NCLR came from, and one with the overview of its priorities and structure.
- I really like how you situate the NCLR's founding in the context of the civil rights movement, though you might explain some developments a bit more clearly. For example, why didn't the Ford Foundation like the UCLA research findings? How did the second study group differ from the first?
- You might develop the "History" section further by adding additional subsections chronicling the organization's development since the 1970s.
- Both the "organizational structure" and (especially) "achievements" sections would benefit from more elaboration.
- The "Public perception and controversies" looks like it's off to a good start but trails off abruptly (and apparently inadvertently).
- Throughout the entry, you might put double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]]) around key terms to create links to related Citizendium entries (whether they already exist or not); e.g. Ford Foundation, Herman Gallegos, United Auto Workers
Shamira Gelbman 22:04, 7 October 2009 (UTC)