Talk:National Council of La Raza
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further revisions to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- The intro is solid overall, though a bit disjointed; you might see what you can do to make the sentences flow more smoothly. Alternatively, you might just split it into two paragraphs: One with the general overview of where the NCLR came from, and one with the overview of its priorities and structure.
- I really like how you situate the NCLR's founding in the context of the civil rights movement, though you might explain some developments a bit more clearly. For example, why didn't the Ford Foundation like the UCLA research findings? How did the second study group differ from the first?
- You might develop the "History" section further by adding additional subsections chronicling the organization's development since the 1970s.
- Both the "organizational structure" and (especially) "achievements" sections would benefit from more elaboration.
- The "Public perception and controversies" looks like it's off to a good start but trails off abruptly (and apparently inadvertently).
- Throughout the entry, you might put double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]]) around key terms to create links to related Citizendium entries (whether they already exist or not); e.g. Ford Foundation, Herman Gallegos, United Auto Workers
Shamira Gelbman 22:04, 7 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
Your topic is interesting, however, there is not a lot of information. I had to research a lot more to write my opinion paper from your encyclopedia article.
I liked how you included some aspects of its history. I think this is an organization with a lot of potential to be more popular.
The NCLR has achieved much more than what you have listed. I discovered that they have created various programs for Hispanic kids in order to give them a chance at education/jobs that they may not have had previously.
I think you should develop each paragraph/subtopic of your article more, so more people can learn about your group (especially the public perceptions part; I think that part would be one of the more interesting aspects of your article. This group is seen as being very controversial to Republicans).
Also, if you can find a picture of the NCLR's logo, you should replace the Microsoft logo with that.