Talk:Family Research Council: Difference between revisions
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imported>Shamira Gelbman (New page: {{subpages}}) |
imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | |||
Hi Dan, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing, but keep in mind that you still need to fill in the others (from the original page template) as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages. | |||
* You might try to make the "Policies" section more cohesive by writing an overview at the start of the section. You might also stick more closely to the original page template's "Current objectives and activities" section suggestion by including not only the FRC's policy goals, but also the steps it's taking to achieve them. | |||
* The "History" section looks like it's off to a good start, but you might flesh it out a bit more and perhaps divide it into subsections (probably chronological) to help structure the discussion a bit. Also, you might want to be careful about explaining background information like who Dr. Dobson was and how he got from a post-conference prayer meeting to founding a major organization. As it stands now, the passive voice used to describe the FRC's founding ("The FRC was finally founded...") obscures the process through which it got off the ground. | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 02:52, 8 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== |
Revision as of 21:52, 7 October 2009
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Dan,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already been developing, but keep in mind that you still need to fill in the others (from the original page template) as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- You might try to make the "Policies" section more cohesive by writing an overview at the start of the section. You might also stick more closely to the original page template's "Current objectives and activities" section suggestion by including not only the FRC's policy goals, but also the steps it's taking to achieve them.
- The "History" section looks like it's off to a good start, but you might flesh it out a bit more and perhaps divide it into subsections (probably chronological) to help structure the discussion a bit. Also, you might want to be careful about explaining background information like who Dr. Dobson was and how he got from a post-conference prayer meeting to founding a major organization. As it stands now, the passive voice used to describe the FRC's founding ("The FRC was finally founded...") obscures the process through which it got off the ground.
Shamira Gelbman 02:52, 8 October 2009 (UTC)