Talk:Georgia (country): Difference between revisions
imported>Thomas Simmons (needs editing for a more encyclopedic demeanor) |
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Hi. Let's take a look at this phrasing. It reads like a travel brochure and this is an encyclopedia. | {{subpages}} | ||
Hi. Let's take a look at this phrasing. It reads like a government penned travel brochure and this is an encyclopedia. | |||
"Georgian culture evolved over thousands of years with its foundations in Iberian and Colchian civilizations[22] , continuing into the rise of the unified Georgian Kingdom under the single monarchy of the Bagrationi which has reached its golden age and renaissance of classical literature, arts, philosophy, architecture and science in 11th century. [23]" | "Georgian culture evolved over thousands of years with its foundations in Iberian and Colchian civilizations[22] , continuing into the rise of the unified Georgian Kingdom under the single monarchy of the Bagrationi which has reached its golden age and renaissance of classical literature, arts, philosophy, architecture and science in 11th century. [23]" | ||
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"Georgia is well-known for its rich folklore, distinctive traditional music, theatre, cinema, and fine arts. Georgians are often identified internationally by their love of music, dance, theatre and cinema. In the 20th century, there were quite a number of people who contributed to the world of arts. Noted luminaries include painters Niko Pirosmani, Lado Gudiashvili, Elene Akhvlediani, ballet choreographers George Balanchine, Vakhtang Chabukiani, Nino Ananiashvili, poets Galaktion Tabidze, Lado Asatiani, Mukhran Machavariani, and theatre/film directors Robert Sturua, Tengiz Abuladze, Otar Ioseliani. [25]" | "Georgia is well-known for its rich folklore, distinctive traditional music, theatre, cinema, and fine arts. Georgians are often identified internationally by their love of music, dance, theatre and cinema. In the 20th century, there were quite a number of people who contributed to the world of arts. Noted luminaries include painters Niko Pirosmani, Lado Gudiashvili, Elene Akhvlediani, ballet choreographers George Balanchine, Vakhtang Chabukiani, Nino Ananiashvili, poets Galaktion Tabidze, Lado Asatiani, Mukhran Machavariani, and theatre/film directors Robert Sturua, Tengiz Abuladze, Otar Ioseliani. [25]" | ||
Avoid using etc. | Avoid using etc. | ||
--[[User:Thomas Simmons|Thomas Simmons]] 19:31, 18 July 2007 (CDT) | |||
I edited for a more encylopedic register and style. I also reduced the extensive footnoting in at least one case so that we'd be able to incorporate a more readable text. --[[User:Thomas Simmons|Thomas Simmons]] 19:21, 22 September 2007 (CDT) | |||
Latest revision as of 13:17, 26 September 2007
Hi. Let's take a look at this phrasing. It reads like a government penned travel brochure and this is an encyclopedia.
"Georgian culture evolved over thousands of years with its foundations in Iberian and Colchian civilizations[22] , continuing into the rise of the unified Georgian Kingdom under the single monarchy of the Bagrationi which has reached its golden age and renaissance of classical literature, arts, philosophy, architecture and science in 11th century. [23]"
This sentence runs on a bit. Edit might look lke this:
"Georgian culture evolved over thousands of years with foundations in Iberian and Colchian civilizations[22]. It eventually became a unified Georgian Kingdom under the monarchy of the Bagrationi. The Kingdom of Georgia reached what can described as golden age in the 11th century when there was a renaissance in classical literature, arts, philosophy, architecture and science. [23] "
Describing a language as 'powerful' and using words like unique and legendary every other sentence is a bit too much for an encyclopedia.
"The powerful Georgian language with its own unique alphabet, and the Classical Georgian literature of the legendary epic poet Shota Rustaveli was revived in the 19th century after long period of turmoil, laying the foundations of the great literary achievements of romantics and novelists of modern era such as Grigol Orbeliani, Nikoloz Baratashvili, Ilia Chavchavadze, Akaki Tsereteli, Vaza Pshavela, and many others. [24] Georgian culture with its distinctively own unique civilizations was also influenced by the Classical Greece, Roman and Byzantine Empire, and later by the Russian Empire which has contributed in the European identity of the Georgian culture. Georgia is well-known for its rich folklore, unique traditional music, theatre, cinema, arts, etc. Georgians are renowned for their love of music, dance, theatre and cinema which has been demonstrated in the 20th century by greately contributing to the world of arts thanks to the legendary representatives of the Georgian culture such as legendary painters (Niko Pirosmani, Lado Gudiashvili, Elene Akhvlediani, etc), ballet choreographers (George Balanchine, Vakhtang Chabukiani, Nino Ananiashvili) poets (Galaktion Tabidze, Lado Asatiani, Mukhran Machavariani, etc) and theatre/film directors (Robert Sturua, Tengiz Abuladze, Otar Ioseliani, etc.). [25]"
Editing possibility: "The Georgian language has its own unique orthography which it does not share with any other language group."
This would be a nice place to put an encyclopedic aside on the origins of the orthography.
Also some work here might read:
"In the 19th century, following a lengthy period of political and economic upheaval, the work of the epic poet Shota Rustaveli [1] was revived and his work served as an impetus for romanticist and novelists of the modern era, including Grigol Orbeliani, Nikoloz Baratashvili, Ilia Chavchavadze, Akaki Tsereteli, Vaza Pshavela.[24]"
Here is another example:
"Georgian culture with its distinctively own unique civilizations was also influenced by the Classical Greece, Roman and Byzantine Empire, and later by the Russian Empire which has contributed in the European identity of the Georgian culture."
Anything that is unique is distinct. Say rather:
"Georgian culture was also influenced by the Classical Greek culture, the Roman and Byzantine Empires, and later by the Russian Empire which contributed to the European identity of the Georgian culture."
Edit further:
"Georgia is well-known for its rich folklore, distinctive traditional music, theatre, cinema, and fine arts. Georgians are often identified internationally by their love of music, dance, theatre and cinema. In the 20th century, there were quite a number of people who contributed to the world of arts. Noted luminaries include painters Niko Pirosmani, Lado Gudiashvili, Elene Akhvlediani, ballet choreographers George Balanchine, Vakhtang Chabukiani, Nino Ananiashvili, poets Galaktion Tabidze, Lado Asatiani, Mukhran Machavariani, and theatre/film directors Robert Sturua, Tengiz Abuladze, Otar Ioseliani. [25]"
Avoid using etc. --Thomas Simmons 19:31, 18 July 2007 (CDT)
I edited for a more encylopedic register and style. I also reduced the extensive footnoting in at least one case so that we'd be able to incorporate a more readable text. --Thomas Simmons 19:21, 22 September 2007 (CDT)
- ↑ [http://www.poetrymagic.co.uk/poets/rustaveli.html Shota Rusaveli