Unobtanium

Unobtanium {{#lst:Unobtanium/Properties|Atomic mass}} +2 +4   {{#lst:Unobtanium/Properties|Atomic symbol}} {{#lst:Unobtanium/Properties|Atomic number}} [ ? ] [[{{#lst:Unobtanium/Properties|Elemental class}}]]: Properties: Unobtanium has properties! Compounds: Compounds are generally unavailable Uses: Speculative Hazard: wild goose chases

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Unobtanium is an imaginary chemical element created by frission with phlogiston suspended in the ether, according to secret alchemical documents recently discovered in a cave in France. Unobtanium is generally not obtained by mining or smelting, but wishful thinking has proven useful. <section begin=avatar joke />Deflogistrated (American spelling) Unobtanium is less easily refined, except at the expense of slender blue aliens...and their indigenous trees. {{#lst:Unobtanium/Properties|avatar2}} <section end=avatar joke /> Processes for purification of deflogistrated Unobtanium have remained a closely guarded trade secret of the Doo Chemical corporation.

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Its properties were always so similar to the last chemical that occupied the test tube that chemists originally planned to name it Averagium. That plan miscarried when a technician broke the test tube and replaced it with one from the store room, but lost its label.

A famous Nobel prize non-winner in Utah has achieved cold fusion using Unobtanium dissolved in hyperbolium. Scientists have been unable to duplicate his results, except for one researcher in Montana whose lab exploded in a giant mushroom cloud. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said that luckily the winds blew all the radiation fallout into Canada. The Utah scientist says his critics are misreading the settings on their microwave ovens.

In a related serendipitous discovery, medical researchers searching for possible allergic reactions to various Unobtainic salts discovered it to be a reasonably efficacious treatment for hypochondria.