Talk:Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft:
- The "History" section looks to be off to a good start; you might still flesh it out a bit more, though, perhaps by extending your research beyond the organization's own website. The second subsection in particular seems a bit rushed.
- Rather than simply list PFLAG's "objectives and beliefs," you might develop each point further into its own pararaph or subsection.
- Same goes for the "Programs" -- you might elaborate a bit more on what each one is all about.
- The "Organizational structure" section might include information about current leading individuals within the organization and perhaps total membership numbers.
- The "Achievements" section would benefit from more explanation and contextualization -- it seems to be taking for granted that readers are already pretty familiar with the episodes you mention.
- The "Public perceptions and controversies" section could do much more to convey the high level of controversy surrounding LGBT issues. As in earlier sections, you might provide more contextualization and explanation.
- Throughout the article, you might put double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]] ) around key terms to create links to other Citizendium articles; e.g., Jeanne Manford, Military Readiness Enhancement Act, Pat Robertson
- Finally, remember that you need to fill out the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages in addition to the main article page.
Shamira Gelbman 02:22, 6 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
You have done a good job of putting down PFLAG's main points of interest and what they are trying to do. I think you could use a little more information about their history but they are a fairly new organization so that may be tough to get. You could also go a little more in depth about its controversies by mentioning the group Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays which is a group that was set up in opposition of PFLAG. You also need to update the blurb in the top right corner as it is kind of confusing to click on PFLAG and see Microsoft's information. Other than that you have done a good job so far and your grammar and word choices are clean and understandable. Keep up the good work.